Letter from the Devil

I saw you yesterday,
As you began your daily chores.
You awoke without kneeling to pray.

As a matter of fact,
You didn't even bless your meals,
Or pray before going to bed last night.

You are so un-thankful,
I like that about you.

I cannot tell you how glad I am,
That you have not changed your way of living,
O Fool of mine…
You are mine.

Remember,
You and I have been going steady for years,
And I still don't love you yet.

As a matter of fact,
I never will.
I hate you…because I hate God.

He kicked me out of heaven.
So I am going to use you,
As long as possible,
To pay him back.

You see, Fool,
God Loves You,
He has great plans in store for you.

But you have yielded your life to me,
And I am going to make your life a living hell.
That way, we'll be together twice.
This will really hurt God.

Thanks to you, I'm really showing Him who's boss in your life,
with all of the good times we've had.

We have been...

Watching dirty movies,
Cursing people out,
Stealing,
Lying,
Being hypocritical,
Fornicating,
Over-eating,
Telling dirty jokes,
Gossiping,
Being judgmental,
Back-stabbing people,
Using profanity and improper language,
Disrespecting adults and those in leadership positions,
Looking at people with lustful eyes,
We’ve been drinking and partying,
As well as doing many other things that you think are hidden in the dark.

We have many idols, such as money, our own image, celebrities or other secular possessions.
We have no respect for the Church,
We also have bad attitudes
And we’ve been living glamorous lives together, thus far.

SURELY you don't want to give all this up?

Come on, Fool, let's burn together forever.
I've got some hot plans for us.
This is just a letter of appreciation,
From me to you.

I'd like to say 'thanks' for letting me use you for the majority of your foolish little existence.

You are so gullible, I laugh at you.
It’s so fun to mess with your emotions and soul.

And when I tempt you to sin,
You give in so easily,
Not even with a fight anymore.

HA HA HA…you make me sick,
You are so pathetic and worthless.

Sin is beginning to take its toll on your life.
You look twenty years older and now,
I need new blood.

So go ahead,
Teach some children how to sin,
How to follow your example.

All you have to do is…
Lie,
Smoke,
Get drunk or
Drink while under-aged,
Cheat,
   Gamble,
  Gossip,
Fornicate or live,
being as selfish as possible.

Do all of this in the presence of children,
And they will do it too.
Kids are like that y’know?
So gullible, like you.

Well, Fool, I have to let you go…for now.
I'll be back in a couple of seconds,
To tempt you again.

If you were smart,
You would run somewhere,
Confess your sins,
And live for God,
With what little bit
Of time you have left,
In your wasted life.

It's not my nature to warn anyone,
But to be your age and still sinning,
It's becoming a bit ridiculous.
Don't get me wrong, I still hate you.
It’s just that you’d make a MUCH better fool for Christ.